I need some opinions and thoughts please...

So I've been confused the last couple days. Emotions poppin up that I thought were gone, which just made me more and more confused everytime. So I'm watching this show... one I'd rather not admit I watch, but since this blog is all the uglies in me... Gossip Girl. Yes yes, I know. Anywho, so this couple, parents.... they aren't working out and they are discussing it and I heard this-

"And at what point do we admit, that no matter how much we want it or how hard we try... it's just not working."

I've gotta remember that cuz 

I'm tired of 

this... 

and this...

 

And living like this is
true...

   and this...

And believing this so much
it holds me back

And really hoping this isn't true,

wanna be done 

believing this...

And above all else, I mostly
wanna believe that
this...

is true.

So I no longer have... 

about him.

Lord, teach me to trust you.

I know I don't really share my faith on here. I don't believe in being religious. I do believe in Jesus. I believe in a relationship with Him. All that to say... I've been praying and praying and praying and praying and praying, and that keeps going... and I feel my emotions getting stronger, not weaker for this guy. I don't like it. 

Ok, I'm just gonna get really honest with ya'll... like really honest ok. Please don't judge cuz I've had enough of that. Thanks... So... 

I keep feeling like, when I date someone else I'll get over him... but I've never truly been the type to believe more dating helps you move on.

-Am I wrong????

I don't know what to do. I pray. I tell myself to stop thinking about him. I distract myself by calling/texting friends to ask about their day. I'd rather think of my friends and how they are than him. I am focused on my career. Focused on hobbies. Focused on friends. And yet he never strays. Sometimes I'm fluttered by him, sometimes I feel so angry at him, sometimes I feel so sad by him, and sometimes I'm so ridiculously happy thinking about him. We stopped talking for 10 months... and he never left my mind. We became friends again. Probably shouldn't have. Of course it's made my longing worse.

-Should I stop being his friend???

The worse of it all really, he's dating many gals now. I'm trying. I have some guys interested in me... but I'm not interested in them. I'm trying. I really am. He's totally moved on. 

-Why am I not over him???

Does anyone understand any of this?? Does anyone have answers or even some ideas??

How do I move on? Like honestly? I hate leading guys on... but I do keep wondering if I just need to have another bf to get over him... it doesn't feel right tho. I've been on several dates since him, but nothing feels right. The guys are always way more into me and I'm barely into them. 

I also wonder if I'm missing my chance with "the one" because I'm to stuck on him?? 

-Is that possible???

I need some answers... or maybe just someone to talk to cuz all my friends are tired of hearing about it and say I should be done and over him... help.