Tuesday, January 31, 2012

So disappointed... in myself.

Why does he keep breaking promises? Why would he make promises
he doesn't wanna keep? 
Not that he can't, but he just changes his mind because of what he wants. 
Why does he keep disappointing me?

OR

Why do I always trust him? Why do I always have hope, "maybe this time"?
He's done this since I met him, and I still wait for him to change. 
I guess... I'm more disappointed in myself.
For always trusting.
Believing.
Hoping.
...
...
Most of all,
disappointed for
wasting time
waiting. 


Monday, January 30, 2012

Try as you might... you can't

Oh some friends they are... putting others down. Sounding so "smart", without doing their research. In the end... they just look like asses. Why? Cuz I did my research!

You say you know me... then prove me wrong when I say you don't. Tonight, you proved me right. You don't know me at all. And guess what I learned about you? That you are nothing like the kind of guy I'm looking for. We met. We talked. We shared friends. Times goes by... and I considered more as you got more comfortable, touchy, flirty. I'm done before I truly began and in the end... I'm walking.

You let your friends, who know me for what... 2 days, make judgments... you sit and agree. I say "Wait, really? How am I like that?" you let your "friend" explain. I'm still looking at you, waiting for what you have to say. Nothing. Nothing is all you got. You don't know me.

I'm looking at you, trusting you. Hoping for you to hear me. I've been verbally beat up and slightly confused cuz I trusted you to know me. I looked to you and ask "Do you really believe that about me? Don't joke cuz I'm sensitive right now." You replied "yeah" and went silent as once again your "friend" goes on and on about what she thinks about me. She doesn't know me.

You don't know me. And now you've lost your chance to.

It takes more than standing up for friends to be a man... and that one thing you couldn't do. I've seen what else you can't do as soon as this "Friend" shows up... and I'm not waiting around to see what else you've failed to man up too.

I'm not allowing myself to be belittled like that from a man ever again. You aren't worth it.

And tho we have mutual friends... you'll still never know me cuz I'll only be cordial to you.

You don't know me.


And never will.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

I'm done, so screw you.



I'm done. 
I'm not just closing the door anymore.
I've shut it. 
I'm gone.

I'm tired of you making me feel...
broken and fallen.
Crying in the sand.

I'm walking
away this time. 
for realz.
And 
you'll be watching like you always do.
but this time I won't hear
your voice calling
me back. 

My heart
will no longer be like sand 
that you can run thru
your hands. 

I've locked 
the door. 
and you do not get 
to have
a key. 

I'm stronger now.
I always have been, 
but I allowed you to make me feel weak.
Not anymore... 

I'm running free now.
far away from you. 


Freeing my heart
so it can
speak.