Friday, April 8, 2011

Pain of Love and the Choices we make for it.

"Choices.
Nearly a year of them, all told.
A year of the hardest choices I'd ever made.
And every time, without fail...
I'd chosen the dead-end road.
The one that led only to pain, if it led anywhere at all."



"Now the time had finally come for me to step away from that road...
and choose the path that really went somewhere.
The path that destiny itself had guided me to.
And in the end...
If the only choice that life has left you...
is a choice between something and nothing...
don't you in fact...
have no choice at all?
Well,...
Of course you do."


"Sometimes when I watch a happy couple from a distance,
which is something I do more often than a normal person should,
I wish I could warn them about love.


Warn them that it never goes quite the way you want it to.
That indeed, it can sometimes go so wrong...
so horribly, agonizingly wrong...
That you begin to fear it's killing you.


Or even that it has already killed you...
killed the very best part of you...
and left you

for dead.



But
I can't tell them that.
They'll have to learn it for themselves,
just as I did."

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Hanging my heart for healing... finally.

This week...
I've been hanging my broken heart for all to see
I think tonight, something broke in me.
So tired of pretending to not care,
Just cuz friends say "Get over it"
So tired of holding everything in,
and actually believing...
I can JUST "Get over it"


This week....
I've been shutting out the world,
Cuz I just wanna heal.
I dont wanna hear crap,
from those who cant deal.
I'm ready to "Get over it",
but first..
My heart has some things to say!



This week...
I have learned its time to walk,
My own path
A new path
I love my friends,
but I'm jumping off
the pedastal

I wont do everything just right.
I will make mistakes
But at least I'm trying to live
again.... finally.



So I spoke up, finally, to someone. I grew a spine I guess.. or I grew mine back, its always been there, just out of operation lately, lol. Its amazing how strong we can be in the midst of turmoil, but how weak and tired we feel when its over. I have been weak, and slowly finding my strength. I'm glad I was honest.
I recognized tho, how much going thru so much friend drama brought more chaos into the relationship. Its amazing what we will put up with, stay thru, support, when we love someone enough. But sometimes going thru all that, even for love, is what breaks us.
I was thinking to- how everything is connected. So far I thought much of my pain and frustrations lately were from the break up... but amazingly, dealing with a hard friendship released so so much. Showing me how it connected some of my frustration in the relationship, I was relating it to him cuz he was there.. but really he did nothing. And now tonight.. my heart spoke, and it released me from more than I thought. And this is why my heart needs a voice.. to get over everything I've kept silent on. So this blog started off with healing of a broken relationship, but just may very well become healing in general. Letting my heart finally speak!