Tired of not knowing

Choices or just absence of information... tired of not knowing what to do or what will happen. Where will life go? My next home? Job? Friends? Most of all... a guy?

Why is there such a longing to be partnered with someone? To be a part of a team?
Why such a longing for a best friend? Someone to be intimate with deeply, and I'm not talking sexually?

This longing gets stronger all the time and bothers me so much. I feel like the days of desiring single hood was just yesterday, but it's been over 6 years that I've longed for something else. I often wish I could go back to the days I was relishing in being single. My friends were marrying and starting families, but I knew it was not my time and enjoyed the freedom to do anything I wanted when I wanted. Now I long for someone to help me make a decision, make me consider them in my decision, even tell me no when I don't want to hear it because it is for the best... sounds a bit like having parents, but this is different. Having a man over you, guiding you, heading your household is such a different thing and that is what I so deeply and greatly desire.

I think the past still lingers, cuz for a moment I had a taste of someone like this in my life. It was such a wonderful thing, feeling. It felt so normal and I thought we were to be together for life. Then it ended. I had never submitted and trusted anyone, outside of God and my parents, so much. I was ready to jump full in, getting soaked for this guy. Whatever we needed to do, where ever we needed to go... I was ready because it was with him and I felt he was "the one".

Now as I work on my healing and moving forth, well it's like having a taste of chocolate and wanting a king sized version but it's just out of reach. You can feel it's there but can't see it and want it soooooo bad. That is where I am. I had a taste of that couple hood and what giving up my life to share with another was like and I want to eat a king sized version.

Maybe tho, and this is the thought that bothers me most of all and has me considering if this is why I haven't met "the one"... I think as much as I'm working on healing, I still can't see my life with anyone but him. How do I move on from that. It's been almost 2 yrs later. Can someone still be so into, not over someone after that long??

I've dated. I've found guys that are soooo close to what I want. I'm even talking to one now who completely impresses me and is sooo amazing, yet... my thoughts still flicker back to memories. To a time when I deeply loved another like I have no other. To a time when I thought someone else was my best friend for life. And I wonder if I will ever find that again? If anyone else could fill that spot?

Lord, only you know. I cry and pray about this so much. I cry out for this person, these memories, this deep feeling to be taken, removed, even lessened a bit... and yet some days it all feels stronger than when it was reality. Like it wont ever go away.
I don't understand....

- Foolish girl still in love

Is it love?

No no. I'm not in love. I just WISH!!!
You know those times when you meet a guy, then you become friends, then you learn more about him, and last but not least you have your moment of "Could he be the one?" Yeah. Def have one in my life... so I'm forming a little crush, but who knows how long it'll actually last because lately if I see a guy that is physically my type (which I'm just learning I have BTW, lol) I think "ooh, love! I could date him" Wink wink. Lol. I think my heart is just pounding for the right guy to finally come into my life.

 Ba-bump ba-bump bump bump ba-bump.

 Come now love, my heart is

pounding for

YOU!!!! 

And I absolutely CAN'T wait

for this with

YOU!!! 

And most of 

all... 

Come on you silly Weirdo!! 

I'm waiting for

YOU!!! 

And I'm not gonna stop waiting,

but

I do hope you come soon. 

:D

I need some opinions and thoughts please...

So I've been confused the last couple days. Emotions poppin up that I thought were gone, which just made me more and more confused everytime. So I'm watching this show... one I'd rather not admit I watch, but since this blog is all the uglies in me... Gossip Girl. Yes yes, I know. Anywho, so this couple, parents.... they aren't working out and they are discussing it and I heard this-

"And at what point do we admit, that no matter how much we want it or how hard we try... it's just not working."

I've gotta remember that cuz 

I'm tired of 

this... 

and this...

 

And living like this is
true...

   and this...

And believing this so much
it holds me back

And really hoping this isn't true,

wanna be done 

believing this...

And above all else, I mostly
wanna believe that
this...

is true.

So I no longer have... 

about him.

Lord, teach me to trust you.

I know I don't really share my faith on here. I don't believe in being religious. I do believe in Jesus. I believe in a relationship with Him. All that to say... I've been praying and praying and praying and praying and praying, and that keeps going... and I feel my emotions getting stronger, not weaker for this guy. I don't like it. 

Ok, I'm just gonna get really honest with ya'll... like really honest ok. Please don't judge cuz I've had enough of that. Thanks... So... 

I keep feeling like, when I date someone else I'll get over him... but I've never truly been the type to believe more dating helps you move on.

-Am I wrong????

I don't know what to do. I pray. I tell myself to stop thinking about him. I distract myself by calling/texting friends to ask about their day. I'd rather think of my friends and how they are than him. I am focused on my career. Focused on hobbies. Focused on friends. And yet he never strays. Sometimes I'm fluttered by him, sometimes I feel so angry at him, sometimes I feel so sad by him, and sometimes I'm so ridiculously happy thinking about him. We stopped talking for 10 months... and he never left my mind. We became friends again. Probably shouldn't have. Of course it's made my longing worse.

-Should I stop being his friend???

The worse of it all really, he's dating many gals now. I'm trying. I have some guys interested in me... but I'm not interested in them. I'm trying. I really am. He's totally moved on. 

-Why am I not over him???

Does anyone understand any of this?? Does anyone have answers or even some ideas??

How do I move on? Like honestly? I hate leading guys on... but I do keep wondering if I just need to have another bf to get over him... it doesn't feel right tho. I've been on several dates since him, but nothing feels right. The guys are always way more into me and I'm barely into them. 

I also wonder if I'm missing my chance with "the one" because I'm to stuck on him?? 

-Is that possible???

I need some answers... or maybe just someone to talk to cuz all my friends are tired of hearing about it and say I should be done and over him... help.

The pain is so deep

It hurts so bad

The pain is soo intense 

and 

won't go away

It makes me feel so sad. 

and

alone. 

I feel more alone than I have

in a long time.

I don't want to feel this

but 

I don't have much choice.

Gotta work thru the grief.

The grief of 

Why does it feel like this now?

After so much time?

And each time I try to move on...

you are there again. 

Every time I exchange one 

sad memory

for a better one

there you are reminding me of the past.

Wanting me, but not really.

Playing with my mind

my heart.

Twisting my emotions so I feel 

like... 

crying and hiding

and when I evaluate my emotions again

All I wanna tell you

is... 

 

 

but I don't want to feel this anymore.

You ripped my heart apart.

And didn't care.

You allowed others to treat bad,

and didn't defend me.

You said you realized everything to late.

You're right.

I might be crying.

I might be confused.

I might be hurting

remembering you.

But at least I'm not

TO LATE! 

I'm sooo done with you.

Now how do I get you out of my life?

Blocking you?

Moving?

Saying so?

No... 

somehow you always come back. 

So I guess I'm just gonna pray and hope

with all my heart.

That I can know 200% I am over you. 

That I am done with your drama.

That you are gone.

I'm gonna pray and hope with all my heart...

that I can move on and open my heart to another.

 

Maybe I won't know till I open my heart to another. 

So thats what I'm doing.

And as you watch me with other guys,

 I hope you remember 

all the good-all you'll miss. 

That I really was the best thing that ever happened to you. 

That I was the only one willing to put up with your crap,

when it really shouldn't have happened.

That I was the only one willing to give you all of my heart.

Fully. 100%.

Not because I didn't haved options.

Not because I was desperate.

Not because I needed you.

But because I chose you.

I loved you.

And I wanted you.

and most of all I truly hope you

never forget...

you are to late.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 And for myself, away from all the heartache

 I'm not gonna forget...

 

I gave my all

when

I am worth so much more. 

... almost in tears ... again.

My hearts hurting right now. More than it has in a long time. It's been a hard ... weeks. But today all the little stuff add up, and it hurts. My heart is aching. Really aching. I cry. I pray. Nothing. My heart is sad and I don't know how to stop it... and probably shouldn't. i should just let it work thru it's grief...

One of the hurts, which isn't so big on it's own...
Everytime I meet a guy and we get along great... there is always something that eventually comes up that's wrong. I don't have a ridiculous list. I feel if others can find this then I can to... but it's not happening.

Christian
Honest
Has Integrity
And at least and inch taller than me

There are plenty of guys who line up with that.. but not into me. The ones into me are the opposite of that. It's getting harder and each time I drop hope.
I don't wanna lose hope. I guess I just feel my hope and excitement rising and it hurts when it drops.

Sigh. I know he's out there... but I'm tired of waiting. Sigh.

Compromised

In the new Star Trek, Spock had been emotional compromised which lead to poor decisions. That was me all day.

The gal who judged me after knowing me 2 days... 

upset me to such an extent I don't wanna see her face anymore.

A suppose friend had me all confused cuz he acts nice to get his way

and when I realize it, it's to late.

Another friend, one of my best friends

is moving out of state.

My other best friend

her gramps died, how do I help?

I'm so ridiculously frustrated, but mostly emotionally compromised to make poor decisions.

The gal who judged me after knowing me 2 days... 

I said some pretty blunt harsh things

I did mean, but should have

kept silent.

A suppose friend had me all confused cuz he acts nice to get his way

and I give in because my brain is foggy.

I mean, give in 

physically.

Another friend, one of my best friends

she is gonna be gone and all I 

wanna do is keep her 

near.

My other best friend

she's heartbroken from a death so near to her

and I'm not sure how to bring her

comfort.

I'm starting to feel lost. 

Lost in her drama. Lost in his lies. 

Lost in her parting. Lost in her heartache. 

I don't know what to do in any of it. 

No I do, I should

Ignore her drama. Fight his lies.

Let her go. Comfort her.

All of which I can't seem to find the strength in me for. To much as been happening all at once, and in 2 days all of it came barreling down on me heavy. And just the last straw hit, while I'm supposed to be laying in comfort in ones arms, I realized I wasn't comfortable at all. Reality settled down. All of it. None left standing. All the troubles, the pains, the frustrations and trials. I feel a bit trapped in a tornado that I can't stop from destroying feelings. And I don't really know what to do.

My comfort deceived me. 

My rock is moving. 

My light is flickering. 

The comfort is gone.

The rock soon will be.

but the light, she'll

always stay.

Flickering or not but...

I'm her rock.

I can't be a rock right now.

I am falling fast and.

crumbling to the 

ground.

So what do I do now???

... sad times happen...

Just feeling heavy. Weighed down, and this time the feeling is lasting longer than normal... I can't shake it... and I don't know what to do. ...

I'm missing "the one", not even knowing who he is.
I'm missing having someone to cuddle.
I'm missing having someone to share life with.
I'm missing running to someone when I'm sad.
I'm missing someone to twirl and smile to when they make me happy and my heart flutter.

I feel so weighed down with waiting.
Waiting.
Always waiting.

My heart feels heavy

so heavy.

sad

so sad. 

I feel trapped

under the weight.

I can't breath

with this pressure.

I wanna cry

but can't.

Tears drown me

as I wait.

Always waiting.

To wait is inevitable...

so what do I do in the wait??

So disappointed... in myself.

Why does he keep breaking promises? Why would he make promises
he doesn't wanna keep? 

Not that he can't, but he just changes his mind because of what he wants. 

Why does he keep disappointing me?

OR

Why do I always trust him? Why do I always have hope, "maybe this time"?

He's done this since I met him, and I still wait for him to change. 

I guess... I'm more disappointed in myself.

For always trusting.

Believing.

Hoping.

...

...

Most of all,

disappointed for

wasting time

waiting. 

Try as you might... you can't

Oh some friends they are... putting others down. Sounding so "smart", without doing their research. In the end... they just look like asses. Why? Cuz I did my research!

You say you know me... then prove me wrong when I say you don't. Tonight, you proved me right. You don't know me at all. And guess what I learned about you? That you are nothing like the kind of guy I'm looking for. We met. We talked. We shared friends. Times goes by... and I considered more as you got more comfortable, touchy, flirty. I'm done before I truly began and in the end... I'm walking.

You let your friends, who know me for what... 2 days, make judgments... you sit and agree. I say "Wait, really? How am I like that?" you let your "friend" explain. I'm still looking at you, waiting for what you have to say. Nothing. Nothing is all you got. You don't know me.

I'm looking at you, trusting you. Hoping for you to hear me. I've been verbally beat up and slightly confused cuz I trusted you to know me. I looked to you and ask "Do you really believe that about me? Don't joke cuz I'm sensitive right now." You replied "yeah" and went silent as once again your "friend" goes on and on about what she thinks about me. She doesn't know me.

You don't know me. And now you've lost your chance to.

It takes more than standing up for friends to be a man... and that one thing you couldn't do. I've seen what else you can't do as soon as this "Friend" shows up... and I'm not waiting around to see what else you've failed to man up too.

I'm not allowing myself to be belittled like that from a man ever again. You aren't worth it.

And tho we have mutual friends... you'll still never know me cuz I'll only be cordial to you.

You don't know me.


And never will.

I'm done, so screw you.

I'm done. 

I'm not just closing the door anymore.

I've shut it. 

I'm gone.

I'm tired of you making me feel...

broken and fallen.

Crying in the sand.

I'm walking

away this time. 

for realz.

And 

you'll be watching like you always do.

but this time I won't hear

your voice calling

me back. 

My heart

will no longer be like sand 

that you can run thru

your hands. 

I've locked 

the door. 

and you do not get 

to have

a key. 

I'm stronger now.

I always have been, 

but I allowed you to make me feel weak.

Not anymore... 

I'm running free now.

far away from you. 

Freeing my heart

so it can

speak. 

If you're freely mean... you inspire me.

Ok. I just posted, and it is a post nothing like how I usually am. I don't hate or discriminate. I accept everyone and their problems because.. God knows I've got enough of my own. I'm not perfect, but I have always tried to live in... "Treat others as you wanna be treated."
But when you treat others with respect and are nice, when is it time they do treat you as you are treating them?? When did nice come to mean "walk all over me."? When did standing up for yourself me "treat me like crap more because you don't like me going against you."? When did trying to help others turn into "you don't accept me so I'm gonna make you feel guilty for it."?

Everything has been twisted these days. Its not ok to be "too nice". Which is who I am, I can't help it. I can't hide it either, I think manipulative people smell it miles away. I can tell strangers "No!" but my own friends and family have learned what to say or do to make me feel bad if I don't wanna do everything they want.
I hate manipulation. I don't hate manipulators... I just hate that they are either born that way, or feel they have to do it to get what they want.
I hate hating. I don't wanna hate anyone. When I feel I do, it makes me cry because it's a horrible feeling.

I started this blog so I could free my heart, but I haven't kept up writing here. I should. The more time away, the more I hold things in.... the more I feel in bondage.

I'm tired of my heart feeling trapped and hurting. I think my heart will always hurt cuz I'm so sensitive to the littlest mean thing... but I want my heart to feel free in its hurt, not bound.
I like people who can be soooo blunt in who they are, that they don't care what others think. Maybe they care if they hurt someone but in a sense don't care if they hurt someone cuz they are who they are.

I wanna be me. Fully free. Well, I am with one person. My best friend. Its why she's my best friend I guess. I feel that should be ok, that I don't have to have so much freedom with everyone else, she takes enough of my crap in free expression... but its not enough. I love her dearly and am sooo ridiculously grateful for who she is and what she puts up with from me. I want more tho.
I want that with all my loved ones family or friends.
Everytime I'm fully me tho, it gets put down or criticized, taken advantage of, or trying to change me. I wanna change in ways, I wanna be a better person. But I have to many people trying to change me into their selfish thoughts of what they desire or what they think is best.

Isn't it my life? Shouldn't I have freedom to grow, change, and give how I want. I'm ok with allowing others a bit more selfish freedom... but when will karma return to me? When will I reap what I sow?

Sigh. I'm tired. Emotionally drained and I don't know how to replenish that.

Thoughts? Opinions? Anyone?

I hate you

Have ever wanted to say "Fuck you! You don't get what you want this time. Its my turn."? 

Yeah. Thats where I'm at. 

Supposed friends, fucking you over. 

Its not like me to curse, but I'm done. 

These are the best words when done.

FUCK YOU DICK!!!! 

I'm tired of being taken advantage of and him acting like I owe him.

What the fuck do I owe you?? Huh??

Nothing! I've paid my dues, and besides that....

FRIENDS OWE NOTHING!!! 

I have never treated my friends like he treats his.

Somehow he thinks its ok.

Why?

Cuz everyone lets him.

Then I finally stand up for myself and say...

ITS NOT OK!

And what happens...

yeah, I'm the one who gets fucked 

with the fucking crap. 

I'm done. 

Done.

But one fucking problem and it's all mine...

I'm stuck. 

I'm stuck and because I don't know how to get out, 

its really my problem.. 

right?

"They" say it takes two to tango, 

so then it's not all my fault. 

But my fucking problem 

that has allowed

this fucking drama... 

I take it. 

I stand up for myself 

one

two

maybe three times

then I ... 

give up. 

So I wanna be done. 

I'm so tired.

so tired.

stuck.

lost. 

How do I stop this?

Get away?

Let go?

Help?

Who knows

So there is a song by Natasha Beddingfield called "Who Knows", its a good song. Well that's kinda random cuz its not really where my mind is...

I wonder how many people see this. I just learned I have a 2nd follower, that's interesting to me cuz I know I gave the url to one friend... then I learned I didn't really wanna give this to in person friends.
Do you ever feel like talking to strangers is much easy? I do. I feel they aren't set in who they think I am, so I have freedom. I feel that even if they are judging me, they'll be to polite to tell me, so more freedom. I think I miss freedom.

Yet... a couple people I know, know I blog... or really its just writing to me... and I wonder if they have found this... and how much freedom I still have. Am I over thinking this?? Probably. But I know there are def 2 people I never want to see this cuz I never wanna here their judgement or anything.

Ok, all that was kinda random, and not at all what I'd normally post, but as I'm growing and over coming  problems, and as this is a free zone for me to post whatever I want... I just wanna grow past feeling hindered over what people think.
I used to not care, then one day I did and its such a battle to over come... sometimes I don't and that's nice.
Well, yeah, I just need to get over it and start blogging how I feel again. This isn't about what others think, its about freely expressing myself in a place where I'm not judged so I might hopefully grow and get past emotional hinderances...

Hope ya'll are able to get past your own hinderances, and if in anyway my blogs help, I'm glad and thank you for reading! :)

I wanna cry... and maybe I will

This is me

most of the time.

Just allowing a few tears,

while the pain holds in. 

But this is me, 

inwardly.

How I wanna be,

outwardly. 

I think this time I will allow it. If only I could have that freedom all the time.. 

I've been thru so much crap that I never deserved. I've never treated someone so bad. 

I've never had anyone treat me so bad besides my mother... but he did. 

Somehow he still gets away with it. 

I never in my life thought sorry wouldn't be enough... for the first time tho,

his sorrys don't change a thing. 

It doesn't change what happened, it doesn't heal the hurt. 

Maybe because he hasn't really changed what happened, and continues to hurt. 

I'm finally writing this because I realize I'm stuck. 

I don't know how to get unstuck. 

I've always had the strength.

Now I'm to weak. 

What I keep thinking most is:

He was always distracted by others. 

Always living in regret. 

Hanging on to them like he owned them.

And they clung on blindly.

I shouldn't have put up with it. 

I just kept thinking.... if he really wants to marry me, 

then I need to be willing to get thru anything.

I held on when I didn't know why.

I held on no matter how much he made me cry. 

I have never known a feeling so bad. 

A pain so deep. 

Now...

I just want it gone, 

so I can move on! 

So much time has past. 

I thought I had dealt with it. 

I think now I'm finally being fully honest.

My heart still hurts and I dont know how to let go.

but i want to.. 

so bad.

I've kinda met someone. Hes super nice. We have a lot in common while being complete opposites. He's so pure. Never even kissed a girl. I wanna give him a chance so bad, but I didn't realize how full my heart still was. He's such a nice guy that I don't wanna hurt him either. I feel so torn. I don't wanna miss a chance with an honest gentleman, but I don't want to hurt him. 

I don't know if I can't get feelings for him because my heart is full.... or if its just not meant to be. So I feel I'm trying to give it a chance.. yet I've realized I haven't fully healed. 

I also got lost in some illusion the past portrayed. 

I believed in promises that were broken.

Nothing is ever gonna happen.

There will never be room for me....

there never was. 

No matter what he say's,

actions really do speak louder than words. 

I need to let go, 

I just don't know .. 

how. 

Near to you - A fine Frenzy

This is where I wish I was... cuz at least I'd be one step forward... one step closer... one step further away from where I am.

Lyrics

He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing
Fading suddelly
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me
Please

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I belong
Where you are

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
Though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

Yet, I'm better near to you.

Maybe...

Maybe its my fault I often feel bound.... I get out of my head, grow a spine, get a life... then at some point I find myself back in my head, spineless, and lifeless... then Im left wondering when that happened...  so here I am, realizing and wanting to reverse it but instead will just have to try again.. and again.. and again, till I figure it out. Sigh...

You'd think I'd learn

Somehow I still end up in the same place... 

I pray and wish so hard for these feelings to go away... 

They wont. 

They stay. 

So here I am inwardly feeling so torn apart, 

but on the outside I just smile big. 

I dont quite know how to handle this... 

either direction I go, I ache. 

If I leave, if I stay...

my feelings never go away. 

but when I stay, ...

everything feels twice as hard to handle.

So why dont I leave?

You'd think I'd learn...

so why havent I?

Why am I still here?

Paramore - Breathe

I climb, I slip, I fall
Reaching for your hands
But I lay here all alone
Sweating all your blood

If I could find out how
To make you listen now
Because I'm starving for you here
With my undying love
And I, I will

Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause there's no hope for today
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause maybe there's another way

I climb, I slip, I fall
Reaching for your hands
But I lay here all alone
Sweating all your blood

If I could find out how
To make you listen now
Because I'm starving for you here
With my undying love
And I, I will

Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause there's no hope for today
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause maybe there's another way

Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause there's no hope for today
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause maybe there's another way

I climb, I slip, I fall
Into your empty hands
But I lay here all alone
Sweating all your blood

Heard the cracking of my heart breaking... not a pleasent sound

Everything is over, but I was dealing to much with my hurts to see my heart.

Now you hold my heart in your hand, and you don't even know it.

And so here I am, feeling like I'm sitting in an empty room, alone.

Realizing, I can't go back and fill up the space.

So my lips are seal. 

There is nothing more I can say,

that you will hear. 

My words of the past have pushed you to far,

to have you near again.

But if I could say one thing

it would be.... 

and...

and for myself... 

I just sit thinking... 

asking... 

How do I move on?

How do I let go,

knowing I still love him?

The heart wants what the heart wants,

but it can't always have it. 

I've never been in this place.

So how do I stop this pain...

of desire for what I've lost?

Almost Lover... goodbye

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDEEzS7OV2k

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind images

You sang me spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes clever trick

Well I'd never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye my almost lover

Goodbye my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me in the shade

And when you left you kissed my lips

You told me you would never

ever forget these images

Well i'd never want to see you unhappy

I thought you?d want the same for me

Goodbye my almost lover

Goodbye my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot try the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and i'm haunted

And i bet you are just fine

Did i make it that easy to walk

Right in and out of my life?

Goodbye my almost lover

Goodbye my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Why can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

Goodbye. It took near a yr, but I'm officially, finally... saying goodbye to it all. Just memories now, and memories is where it stops. I wish you well and blessings. I must turn now, walk down the road better designed for me, away from you. Goodbye VT-o.